Ain't this some SHIT

most of you know that I've retired to the dispatch center. Well there I am, teaching a new call taker how one properly takes emergency calls, and the phone rings (which is a handy teaching tool) and 911 requests a unit to standby at a structure fire, and proceeds to rattle off my fucking address!

So I continue the canvas, get the cross streets, and details, and send the call to the dispatcher. I hang up, and put my headset down, and tell the room that I have to go home, as my fucking house is on god damned fire.

I rush home, and can't get in my driveway, because the engine is blocking the path. So I park on the neighbor's lawn, and run over to the scene. My uniform buys me entry without question, and I'm looking, and fuck me if my neighbor isn't laying in my fucking driveway. So I walk over, assess, he's responsive but having trouble breathing. The medic packages him, and I'm trying to find out what the fuck happened, but he can't speak.

So I accost a finely clad sweaty sexy mother fucker fireman, and ask him why my house is on fire.

"Well, it appears that there was forced entry. There's minimal smoke damage, and your dog is fine, but that man (points to neighbor) was found lying in your kitchen floor. We're not sure what happened yet. Give us a bit to air the house out, and you can go in."


WHAT THE FUCK, is my neighbor doing in my house while I'm at work, and WHY the hell did it involve flames???

The answers are pending, as I've just now gained access, and got rid of the firemen. Now I have to clean *why don't we have a "really fucking pissed off" smilie?*

Holy shit!!!

Lessee..... the neighbor saw the dog playing with matches and tried to come to the rescue?

...I'm hoping the real answer makes WAY more sense... 'cause more drama - and with a next door neighbor to boot - is just waht you were after, right?

He saw your house on fire, your dog was banging on the window, howling "help me, help meeeee.". Your neighbor, being the Good Sam he is, rushed in to help your dog, and passed out because of smoke inhalation.

BTW, was your neighbor wearing clothes? Hey, just askin'

now thats way fucked up

OKay...here's the real answer:


Your dog saw your neighbor snooping around. Dog decided to dial 911 to report the break-in. Unfortunately for Fido, he has no opposable thumbs, so dialing the phone was out. So, being the brilliant pooch that he is, he decided to start a small bonfire and send smoke signals to a cat that lives down the street. (Did I mention that your dog is part Cherokee Indian?)

the cat has 6 toes on his front paws, and can use them as thumbs when he feels so inclined. Lucky he was in a good mood today. So the cat dialed 911, saving your house from certain ruin.



On a serious note, really sorry to hear about this...hope all turns out well, and that there is a fucking GOOD REASON your neighbor was in your house (any idea how he got in?)

I think its obvious...

The neighbour was in your house..as he heard a noise. He couldn't find anything wrong, so he helped himself to your fridge

He really really fancied that trout you have, flambéed of course

Then..he misjudged the timing..and it got a little over heated..

In the mad panic to put out the flames he slipped on a spilt absinthe..

and knocked his head on on the file of papers marked “ things I need to tell Rant he is a fuckwit”


Simple

Damn Trin . . . didn't you just move in there?? And thank GOD the doggie is ok!! I hope there wasn't too much damage, and I am dying to here the rest of this story.

NO kidding!! I hope there wasn't too much damage!!